Squidward Private Eye
Squidward: [whistling] Ladadeem ladadam ladadoo. Ah. My fresh lazagna. Nice and warm!
SpongeBob: [runs in] SQUIDWARD!
SpongeBob: Uh.... Hi!
Squidward: GO AWAY!
SpongeBob: Squidward, my friend who lives in rock bottom went missing after his dog ran away. So, could you help me.
Squidward: Sorry SpongeBob, no can do. I have better plans. Plus, I'm not a detective.
SpongeBob: Yes you were. You solved a case of when your clarinet disappeared and eventually found out that some jellyfish stole it.
Squidward: Oh yeah. I was "Squidward, the Jazz Detective!"
SpongeBob: So, could you help me?
Squidward: Look, the reason I was a detective back then was because I needed my clarinet. It bothered me that it was missing so I searched for it. In this case, it doesn't affect me whatsoever that some random ammature is lost with his dog.
SpongeBob: But I helped you solved the case before. Me and Patrick and it didn't effect us whatsoever.
SpongeBob: PLEASE SQUIDWARD! [sobbing] please!
Squidward: OKAY FINE! Just promise not to bother me again! Got it?
[sky turns black and white]
Squidward: [narrating in deep voice] It was a day unlike any other. The sky was dark and everything looked so plain. A fish went missing and we must retrieve him.
SpongeBob: So.... Off to Rock Bottom now!
Squidward: How are we supposed to go there?!
SpongeBob: By taking the bus!
[Bus makes a horn sound]
Bus driver: All aboard!
Train conductor: Hey! That's my line!
SpongeBob: Squidward, you got any money? I'm broke.
Squidward: This is coming out of your paycheck, 'kay Sponge!
[Squidward hands the cash to the bus driver and the bus starts moving down a steep 180 degree road.]
Everyone: AHAHHHHHHHHH!! WE'RE FALLING!
[THUD! The bus landed and made a thunderous sound wave!]
SpongeBob: Ah, we're here!
Squidward: This is Rock Bottom?
SpongeBob: Yup!. We're here.
Squidward: Oh. It's so dark! Is there a blackout or something? Why is it so dark?
SpongeBob: Because it just is. It's rock bottom, like literally.!
Rock bottom native: [tongue noise] hi [tongue noise] there!
Squidward: Ugh. You're disgusting!
SpongeBob: Aloha, [tongue noise] there! Anyway, let's continue this way. No time to lose at all chatting to these aliens and exotic creatures.
[They hear a snoring sound coming right ahead of them]
Patrick: [snoring] ABADABA! [snoring] Jellyfishing ha! [snoring] Dirty Dan and Pinhead Lary, you'll never win! [sleeps] [snores]
SpongeBob: Patrick! What are you doing down here?
Patrick: [snoring] Uh! Oh hi SpongeBob! I come down here on occasions to sleep under this nice and relatively large rock which I call a beautiful vacation home!
SpongeBob: Oh cool! Anyway, what are you gonna eat for dinner!
Squidward: HOLD IT! I thought we were tracking somebody SpongeBob, not having a relaxing hour with Patrick! After all, that's the deal, we find that person, then you pay me. I came all the way down here and I am not gonna stand here in the cold and watch you chat with Patrick. Let's go!
SpongeBob: Sorry Squidward. I didn't know you felt that way. [turns to Patrick] Patrick, have you seen any suspicious characters walk past here? Or a dog?
Patrick: Not to that I know of, no. Actually, wait a minute, I heard a dog running away from something. It went a that away! [points to right]
SpongeBob: Thanks old pal! Wanna help out? You can join and help us on our mission.
Patrick: Nah, well.. maybe. Okay, fine! I'll help you. But let me just get some nachos from the vending machine first.
[Walks to vending machine. Pays money and grabs a bag of nachos and walks back to the group.]
Patrick: [opens bag] Alright troops! Let's go!
SpongeBob: Squidward, you're eye glow in the dark!
Squidward: They do?!
SpongeBob: Yeah of course they do! Look in the mirror! [gives Squidward a mirror]
Patrick: Oh, Squidward has some unique, private eyes. Squidward the Private Eye detective!
Squidward: [looks unamused.] Don't call me that please!
[They walk and walk until they anticipate some strange sounds. Until, they stumble upon a familiar voice and appearance.]
Man Ray: Hehe.
SpongeBob: Oh my! Man Ray?!
Man Ray: Yes, that's me! And I have that fish you were looking for and that dog! HAHAHAAHAHA! You'll never stop me as I'm gonna fry this fish!.
SpongeBob: Looks like there's only one thing to do!
SpongeBob & Patrick: Mermaid Pants and Barnacle Star unite!
Man Ray: Fools, you'll never stop me, fall into one of my traps haha!.
SpongeBob: Look out, Patrick!
[machine grabs Patrick.]
SpongeBob: Oh no Patrick!
Man Ray: Heads up Square One!
Man Ray: Think fast Octopus!
[Squidward dodges one of the traps but then jumps and tackles Man Ray.]
Squidward: Ha Man Ray! Never mess with an octopus! Lesson learned!
[Squidward starts dragging Man Ray]
Man Ray: Oh, this isn't supposed to happen!
Fish: Yay! Thanks for saving me! Come here doggie!
Squidward: No probs. Or should I say "No Problemo!"
SpongeBob: Mission accomplished!
Squidward: Now SpongeBob! Give me the money!
SpongeBob: [searches his pockets and discovers he's broke] Oh no! [starts running away]
Squidward: Come back here! [starts chasing SpongeBob and the scene ends.]
French Narrator: A great montage and Squidward's eye and quick movements saved him and his friends. Ze' end!