Squidward Private Eye

Squidward: [whistling] Ladadeem ladadam ladadoo. Ah. My fresh lazagna. Nice and warm!

SpongeBob: [runs in] SQUIDWARD!

Squidward: WHAT!

SpongeBob: Uh.... Hi!

Squidward: GO AWAY!

SpongeBob: Squidward, my friend who lives in rock bottom went missing after his dog ran away. So, could you help me.

Squidward: Sorry SpongeBob, no can do. I have better plans. Plus, I'm not a detective.

SpongeBob: Yes you were. You solved a case of when your clarinet disappeared and eventually found out that some jellyfish stole it.

Squidward: Oh yeah. I was "Squidward, the Jazz Detective!"

SpongeBob: So, could you help me?

Squidward: Look, the reason I was a detective back then was because I needed my clarinet. It bothered me that it was missing so I searched for it. In this case, it doesn't affect me whatsoever that some random ammature is lost with his dog.

SpongeBob: But I helped you solved the case before. Me and Patrick and it didn't effect us whatsoever.

Squidward: True.

SpongeBob: PLEASE SQUIDWARD! [sobbing] please!

Squidward: OKAY FINE! Just promise not to bother me again! Got it?

SpongeBob: Okay.

[sky turns black and white]

Squidward: [narrating in deep voice] It was a day unlike any other. The sky was dark and everything looked so plain. A fish went missing and we must retrieve him.

SpongeBob: So.... Off to Rock Bottom now!

Squidward: How are we supposed to go there?!

SpongeBob: By taking the bus!

[Bus makes a horn sound]

Bus driver: All aboard!

Train conductor: Hey! That's my line!

SpongeBob: Squidward, you got any money? I'm broke.

Squidward: This is coming out of your paycheck, 'kay Sponge!

[Squidward hands the cash to the bus driver and the bus starts moving down a steep 180 degree road.]


[THUD! The bus landed and made a thunderous sound wave!]

SpongeBob: Ah, we're here!

Squidward: This is Rock Bottom?

SpongeBob: Yup!. We're here.

Squidward: Oh. It's so dark! Is there a blackout or something? Why is it so dark?

SpongeBob: Because it just is. It's rock bottom, like literally.!

Rock bottom native: [tongue noise] hi [tongue noise] there!

Squidward: Ugh. You're disgusting!

SpongeBob: Aloha, [tongue noise] there! Anyway, let's continue this way. No time to lose at all chatting to these aliens and exotic creatures.

[They hear a snoring sound coming right ahead of them]

Patrick: [snoring] ABADABA! [snoring] Jellyfishing ha! [snoring] Dirty Dan and Pinhead Lary, you'll never win! [sleeps] [snores]

SpongeBob: Patrick! What are you doing down here?

Patrick: [snoring] Uh! Oh hi SpongeBob! I come down here on occasions to sleep under this nice and relatively large rock which I call a beautiful vacation home!

SpongeBob: Oh cool! Anyway, what are you gonna eat for dinner!

Squidward: HOLD IT! I thought we were tracking somebody SpongeBob, not having a relaxing hour with Patrick! After all, that's the deal, we find that person, then you pay me. I came all the way down here and I am not gonna stand here in the cold and watch you chat with Patrick. Let's go!

SpongeBob: Sorry Squidward. I didn't know you felt that way. [turns to Patrick] Patrick, have you seen any suspicious characters walk past here? Or a dog?

Patrick: Not to that I know of, no. Actually, wait a minute, I heard a dog running away from something. It went a that away! [points to right]

SpongeBob: Thanks old pal! Wanna help out? You can join and help us on our mission.

Patrick: Nah, well.. maybe. Okay, fine! I'll help you. But let me just get some nachos from the vending machine first.

[Walks to vending machine. Pays money and grabs a bag of nachos and walks back to the group.]

Patrick: [opens bag] Alright troops! Let's go!

SpongeBob: Squidward, you're eye glow in the dark!

Squidward: They do?!

SpongeBob: Yeah of course they do! Look in the mirror! [gives Squidward a mirror]

Squidward: Woah!

Patrick: Oh, Squidward has some unique, private eyes. Squidward the Private Eye detective!

Squidward: [looks unamused.] Don't call me that please!

[They walk and walk until they anticipate some strange sounds. Until, they stumble upon a familiar voice and appearance.]

Man Ray: Hehe.

SpongeBob: Oh my! Man Ray?!

Man Ray: Yes, that's me! And I have that fish you were looking for and that dog! HAHAHAAHAHA! You'll never stop me as I'm gonna fry this fish!.

SpongeBob: Looks like there's only one thing to do!

SpongeBob & Patrick: Mermaid Pants and Barnacle Star unite!

Man Ray: Fools, you'll never stop me, fall into one of my traps haha!.

SpongeBob: Look out, Patrick!

Patrick: Whatttttt?

[machine grabs Patrick.]

SpongeBob: Oh no Patrick!

Man Ray: Heads up Square One!

SpongeBob: AHHHHHHH.

Man Ray: Think fast Octopus!

Squidward: Woah!

[Squidward dodges one of the traps but then jumps and tackles Man Ray.]

Squidward: Ha Man Ray! Never mess with an octopus! Lesson learned!

[Squidward starts dragging Man Ray]

Man Ray: Oh, this isn't supposed to happen!

Fish: Yay! Thanks for saving me! Come here doggie!

Squidward: No probs. Or should I say "No Problemo!"

SpongeBob: Mission accomplished!

Squidward: Now SpongeBob! Give me the money!

SpongeBob: [searches his pockets and discovers he's broke] Oh no! [starts running away]

Squidward: Come back here! [starts chasing SpongeBob and the scene ends.]

French Narrator: A great montage and Squidward's eye and quick movements saved him and his friends. Ze' end!